At the age of five, Hiroshi wanted a big brother. “If I had a big brother I would tell him all my problems and I’m sure he would be able to fix them,” he told his parents. His parents instead gave him a horse on his 6th birthday. Not to worry though, it was one that didn’t need a stable. “Mommy and daddy have made it for you,” his mom told him with a smile. Hiroshi made his eyes sparkle as he held the polished wooden horse that was slightly too big to fit into the six-year-old’s tiny hands. “You’re my big brother from today!” he told the horse.
The horse was named Taro and was twenty years old. Hiroshi knew this because he asked the horse.
“Since you’re my big brother I must know your name,” Hiroshi told Taro. Now he spoke for Taro, “my name is Taro, I’m delighted to be your brother!” He made the wooden horse bob on its spot as he spoke for it.
“Taro-kun!” Hiroshi beamed, now speaking for himself, “that’s a wonderful name, it means the eldest son. Now I must know your age too Taro-kun.”
“My age is twenty,” the horse bobbed up and down. Hiroshi didn’t even know his own age then nor did he know what it meant to be twenty. Twenty was simply a number he had learnt to count up to in school and he thought it was cool.
Hiroshi started taking Taro-kun to kindergarten. He knew it wasn’t allowed. He took the horse with him regardless and talked to it during playtime.
“Come play cars with us,” the other boys told him. Hiroshi pretended not to hear and continued playing with Taro-kun.
“What a weirdo,” they told him and left. The other boys made their cars fly and do somersaults. Hiroshi made Taro-kun fly and do somersaults.
Although there was more space to play in school, there was no better playground for them than Hiroshi’s own room.
“Let’s go to the mountains and pluck some mushrooms,” Hiroshi told Taro-kun and made the horse take a huge leap and land on his bed, “ta-da! We have arrived!” He exclaimed.
“Watch for the colourful mushrooms, they are the nasty ones,” Taro-kun warned.
“What will happen if you eat one?”
“You will start giggling endlessly; so much so that eventually you will die by choking on your own laughter,” the horse nodded assuredly.
“That sounds fun but scary,” Hiroshi said and began picking up the crazy balls that he had scattered on his bed. After they were done collecting mushrooms they shifted back to the carpet which they had decided was the ‘Freedom Island’, the island in which Hiroshi ruled. They had to come to the island by boat as the flooring between the carpet and the bed was the sea. Once on the island they made their way back to Hiroshi’s desk which was supposedly home. It was where their adventures always began.
On that particular day, when his mother called for dinner, Hiroshi told her that he was already done.
When he began going to elementary school, Hiroshi still wanted to take Taro-kun along, but Taro-kun couldn’t go to school like him because he was a wooden horse.
“You can’t bring toys to school,” Mrs.Yanagi told him when he took Taro-kun with him. He didn’t like her. One day she asked the whole class to draw their hero. The other boys drew Ultraman, One Punch Man and all the other ‘mans’ that existed. Hiroshi drew Taro-kun.
“Hey what is that?” the other boys asked him.
“Taro-kun,” Hiroshi mumbled.
“What? Who?”
“It’s my horse.”
“A horse?! What can a horse do?” One of them said, “hey, that thing is wooden,” another one of them guessed from the drawing. “What can a wooden horse even do?” “Hiroshi’s such a sissy,” they said and left. They flapped around their papers before them as if the papers were their heroes.
Hiroshi gave his drawing a last touch of pastel and went to show it to Mrs.Yanagi. She looked at the drawing and then at him from above her reading glasses, then back at the drawing.
“What is this?” She asked.
“Taro-kun.” He replied.
“Who?”
“It’s my horse.”
“Horse?” She asked as if to confirm whether she heard him right, “oh, uh-huh, okay,” she adjusted her glasses as if she missed something major on the paper and returned the drawing to him. That day he walked home dispirited, kicking each pebble on the way.
“At school everybody thinks you’re useless,” Hiroshi complained to Taro-kun, “I wanted to punch them all so hard, but I didn’t.”
“That’s Hiroshi for you!” Taro-kun exclaimed bounding, “you should shove your fists in your pocket whenever you feel like punching someone.” It was what Hiroshi’s mother had told him once. He liked it. He thought it was cool.
Now that Hiroshi couldn’t take Taro-kun to school, he found a new way around it. The wooden horse wasn’t there by his side but that didn’t mean he couldn’t hold any conversations with him. Whenever he closed his eyes and would call for him, Taro-kun would always be there.
“How do you think the letter ‘wo’ is written?” Hiroshi whispered to Taro-kun during class. Mrs.Yanagi had given them a Japanese alphabet test. Hiroshi remembered that the letter ‘wo’ (を) was very complicated.
“It’s the one that looked like a worm popping out of an apple,” Taro-kun whispered back.
“Ah yes, that one!” Hiroshi slowly wrote ‘を’ but he wrote it the other way around. He stopped and frowned at it. “Which way was the worm coming out of the apple?”
“I think you got it right. But I suggest you try flipping it to see if that clicks better,” Taro-kun said.
“Hiroshi!” Mrs.Yanagi shouted, she was glaring at him from above her reading glasses, “you’re disturbing the others.” Hiroshi eyed her sulkily and looked down at his paper. Indeed the worm coming out of the other side clicked better, so he left it as that. He thought he should go back home and report it to Taro-kun.
Once home, he complained to the horse, “Mrs.Yanagi still had a problem although I didn’t take you to school!”
“Well, technically you were at an advantage during the test,” Taro-kun replied.
“No, I think she’s jealous that we’re having so much fun!” Now he was fired-up to find new ways around this problem.
Hiroshi quickly picked up his alphabet so that he could try his new strategy. In grammar class he hid a paper under his desk. He caught a moment when Mrs.Yanagi was looking away.
“Hey, you there?” He wrote on the paper.
“Ne—igh!” Taro-kun answered. Hiroshi was overjoyed. He eyed Mrs.Yanagi.
“She hasn’t a clue!!” He wrote.
“Yippie!!!” Taro-kun replied. Hiroshi’s strategy was a success. He enjoyed it so much that he even wrote when he was home with Taro-kun.
When Hiroshi was 12, he still wrote dialogues but he had begun interacting with different characters; rather he observed them interact with each other. He was the mastermind who could control them as he wanted. He could make them laugh, cry, dance and even kiss and marry! He enjoyed the power he had.
The first ever character that occupied his mind and wasn’t Taro-kun was Goro. He was an elephant. He was wooden too. Then came Emi. She was a rabbit with silky black fur. He realized that they didn’t all have to be wooden. And then came a kangaroo and then a parrot. Then there was Akane. She was a space-explorer. He realized they didn’t all have to be animals either. And then there came Hibito, Chiyo, Eiji, Hiro… Finally there were so many that he abandoned them whenever he grew bored of them. He filled notebook after notebook with their stories.
At the age of 14, Hiroshi’s family decided to shift houses. The notebooks that he had filled when he was 12 were discarded, he didn’t mind it too much. He filled new ones with better stories. When Hiroshi was clearing his room, he found the box in which he had stored all his old toys. It was full of legos, colourful blocks, foam puzzles and balls of all sorts. Among them, he found the wooden horse. He paused for a moment, then picked up the box by its handles.
“Mo-m, you can throw these out too,” he called out and dumped the box on the pile of notebooks that he had kept out in the corridor.
By the time Hiroshi was 17, he had written a few novellas. He had posted some of them on several online platforms. He had readers now! He would wake up at five in the morning and would rush to his computer to check whether any comments came in overnight about his stories and characters. He would reply to each and every one of them, even when he didn’t have much to say.
“Why don’t you try participating in a contest?” His mother asked him one day while he was having dinner. He looked up to her, unblinking. The corners of his lips slowly lifted up to form a wide grin. He gulped his food down and locked himself up in his room.
A month later, when he checked his inbox an email had arrived. The mail read ‘congratulations!’ in huge letters. He had won five hundred thousand yen. That day he was the one to treat his parents.
“You should try publishing Hiro!” his father grabbed his shoulder tight and said.
“You’re thinking too far ahead, dad!” Hiroshi complained and they all laughed.
That day, while Hiroshi was at the cash register he dropped his phone. The device’s screen cracked. At that point, Hiroshi had no idea that things had started going wrong.
Hiroshi struggled to put the full stop at the end of the sentence that he wrote by expending every ounce of energy. He had trouble remembering the events as he penned them. The tears were helplessly flowing down his cheeks but he was unable to wipe them away. When he had received his medical report six months ago, he had desperately wished that it was a mistake. He had read it over and over to make sure he was reading it right:
Patient name: Kitamura Hiroshi
Sex: male
Age: 18
Ward no: 37
Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease patient (CJD)
Although his memory had started failing him, only this he remembered as if he had read yesterday.
Hiroshi still made an effort to write, although his hand went all over the place, so that his muscles didn’t forget how to move. With effort, Hiroshi turned his head and looked out of the window. The sky was clear and as blue as it could be. The warm summer light was showering through the window, tingling Hiroshi’s cheeks. The cicadas were crying loudly outside. He wished to be anywhere else under the sun but in this hospital bed. He knew a way around this problem. He closed his eyes and he was in a field. Yellow fields as far as his eyes could reach.
Hiroshi expanded his lungs and took in the sweet earthy smell around him. He felt someone approaching from behind. He turned.
“Long time,” Taro-kun told him.
Hiroshi widened his eyes, “You look lovely,” he said with a smile. Taro-kun who stood in front of him wasn’t wooden anymore. He realized that he didn’t have to be. He was tall with a vibrant chestnut coat. When Hiroshi looked at his horse more closely, his smile faded, “why do you have so many scars?”
“This is what they have done to me after I left your side,” Taro-kun told him, “I was taken in by another family.” Taro-kun lowered his head. “I feel abandoned,” he whimpered. Hiroshi noticed that his hooves had grown so much that it curled in, grazing the skin on his shin and his ribs were jutting out from malnutrition.
“I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault. That must have been painful.” Hiroshi sympathized, “but it’s okay, we have our strategy,” he said with a smile returning to his face. He blinked and Taro-kun’s scars were gone, making his coat shimmer and his hooves were primly trimmed in shape, “see?”
The horse neighed delightedly, “we always have our way around things, don’t we?” he brushed his muzzle against Hiroshi’s cheek making the boy giggle. “Now we should find a way to take you out of that filthy bed so that Mrs.Yanagi doesn’t find you there.”
“Yup,” Hiroshi replied.
“Let’s make a dash to the end of the wheat fields! I bet she won’t follow us till there.” The horse kicked in preparation. Hiroshi tried to run but something jerked him backward. He spun around to see. The hospital’s IV tubings and the electrocardiogram’s cords were all entangled around his arms. He looked at Taro-kun helplessly.
“Can’t they be taken out?” Taro-kun asked.
Hiroshi yanked one of the cords out, then he did it for another. It was easy. He tore them all out.
“I’m free now,” he grinned at his horse and broke into a sprint. The horse galloped beside him.They ran beyond the fields, Hiroshi gritted his teeth and beat his legs as fast as he could, his head tilted back and the wind gushed against his face. He saw a door far ahead. It looked familiar. He strode towards it then tore it open. On the other side was his old room.
Hiroshi walked in slowly. A familiar smell filled his lungs. He put his hand on the bed. The crazy balls were still scattered on the mountain-side. He looked at his Freedom Island then his eyes slowly drifted up to his desk. Taro-kun was home. He walked over to it and gently picked up the wooden horse. He brushed the dust off it.
“Let’s go harvest some mushrooms from the mountains!” He said.
“Watch for the colourful ones,” Taro-kun replied.
Hiroshi walked back out into the fields and closed the door behind him.
On the hospital bed Hiroshi’s body lay limp. His mother cried by his bed, hugging him tight and the ECG monitor displayed three flat lines, motionless.